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New “Free Alderman of Illinois License” Proposed by Excited Community

In response to  Ald. Pat Dowell’s proposed “Bike License” fee, members of the community rallied together to propose a license of their own. The new “Free Alderman of Illinois License” (FAIL) would cost only $2,000 per year, per alderman. Additionally, the proposal would require a  four-hour course on government spending, a private lesson titled “Detriments of Taxing the Working Poor”, and a single, open-palmed slap in the face.

If the 50 aldermen in Chicago signed up, that would generate an additional $100,000 per year for the city. While that would pale in comparison to Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s proposed cigarette tax increase, legions of supporters have already rallied around the topic.

For Chicago taxpayers, the motive is two-fold. Chicago needs money and needs to be creative about getting it. And if the number of ridiculous license proposals is skyrocketing in some dire attempt to gain media attention, there should be some responsibility that accompanies those benefits.

“I have an alderman, and I wouldn’t have a problem if he were registered. For me, it’s both about safety and a revenue generator,” slurred one man a drunken rant outside city hall.

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“You register the alderman and you also take a four-hour government spending course. Rules of the road — like you do when you get your driver’s license. There’s been some stupid proposals in the city. We’ve read about that. Some people just want to tax everything. They don’t really realize that taxing the poor and working classes is going to have negative repercussions. There’s some usefulness in having them take a short course.”

Neither Ald. Pat Dowell nor Mayor Rahm Emanuel were not sought for comment.

This has been a satire. The original article  can be found here.



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